I can remember daydreaming as a kid about what my life might be like when I got older.
At night sometimes I would lie awake imagining what the future would hold for me. Would I be happy? Would I feel loved? Would I be someone's everything someday?
When I envisioned my future, I always saw myself married...I always saw myself happy.
Sometimes I would draw this “future". A nice little stick couple next to a tall house on a green lawn with the sun always shining.
My stick arm would be connected to my husband’s stick arm and our faces would be nothing but smiles.
And honestly, that’s how I pictured the idea of marriage for awhile. Perfect, sunny, all smiles and so much love.
Two and a half years into my marriage, I laugh at the thought of “perfect”.
I wanted Prince Charming. I wanted someone to come looking for me one day, sweep me away to their giant castle and us live happily ever after. Thanks to the many fairy tales I watched and watched again, I expected no less!
Oh boy..
The first big problem in our marriage brought many, many cloudy days.
And all I could think was…
Where was my sunshine? Where was the beautiful, green lawn and the picket fence? Where were the smiling faces?
I wanted to but couldn't understand why my marriage was, at that time, the complete opposite of what I had always expected it to be.
Why was it so hard?
What had I gotten myself into?
And there I was, so desperately trying to take that "fairy tale" picture I was used to imagining and make it a reality.
Clouds had replaced the sun, the smiles had turned to tears and all I wanted was my fairy tale.
I wanted perfect.
But what I didn’t understand at the time was that I had vowed and promised to love an imperfect person.
He was going to mess up. I was going to mess up. Because like him, I was imperfect too.
And you don’t think about the “worse, poorer and sickness” part of your vows at first. You’re standing up there googly-eyed looking at the love of your life, thinking, “Yes of course I do! Piece of cake! ”
And then you have a worse, a poorer, or a sickness come along. And well..then what?
Grace.
Forgiveness.
Unconditional love.
Three vital things in a marriage that will be practiced over and over and over.
Will there be good times? Of course! More than the bad, in my experience, but what you do and how you react as a couple in those tough times will make or break your marriage.
So throw away those “perfect” expectations and welcome ”realistic”.
Marriage isn't a promise that you'll never have tough times. It's a promise that through those tough times, you will have someone loving you every step of the way.
So don't give up hope.
You nor your spouse are meant to be perfect.
Your marriage won’t be perfect.
But I think with enough grace, forgiveness and unconditional love your marriage will have every opportunity to get pretty darn close.
