A Morning of Snoring and Falling In Love Again

Faint snores were escaping his mouth and filling the room. I longed to be asleep like that. After trying to sleep and getting nowhere, I turned over to face my husband. With his back toward me, I could see the rising and falling of his body in rhythm with his breathing. 

His peacefulness pulled me in and I scooted closer to him. I let my hand touch his bare back, my fingers tracing his freckles like a connect-the-dots. I didn't remember his skin feeling so smooth. A smile crept slowly on my face as my hands glided over his shoulder blades. Such strength and masculinity made me feel safe and protected. My hand slid up his sun-tanned neck, to his hair, so soft and dark. I brought my face to his head, taking in the familiar scent. Exhaling, I closed my eyes, one of my favorite smells. I pressed my cheek against his back, taking in yet another of my favorite smells, his deodorant. As I lifted my head to look over his body at his face, I could see his mouth was slightly open letting the snores out one by one. His eyelids, like curtains on a window, hid my favorite green eyes. His nose twitched and I giggled. I pulled away and laid on my side of the bed again. 

Normally, I would've been a little annoyed at his snoring especially since I needed rest. But this morning was different. I didn't know why or how. It was as if his snoring was an assurance. An assurance of life, of companionship, of someone who takes me as I am. An assurance of a best friend and someone to protect me.

Snoring by many, if not most, is seen as an inconvenience or annoyance, as it distracts the other person from sleep. I even find myself making a loud noise to get my husband to stop snoring in the middle of the night. But this morning it was different for me. It was proof that he was alive. He was breathing (loudly maybe) but he was well, in good health, and if I wanted to wake him to give him a kiss I could. 

I realized that there may come a day when his snoring is something I long to hear again, if just for a moment. 

His snoring was an assurance that he was still there. And I hope to hear his snoring every morning for the rest of my life.        

Love For Every Season of Life

A kiss goodnight. A "have a great day at school". Soup when I was feeling under the weather and a hug when I had fallen and scraped my knee. The sound of cheering at my games and laughter when I had done or said something ridiculous. It was feeling safe at night and feeling like I had nothing to worry about. It was telling them I'd always live with them and I'd never grow up and move out. (We all know how that turned out.) It was baking cookies for Santa and icing them together in the kitchen. It was love. 

It was chasing each other around the playground. It was a whisper in each other's ears. It was keeping secrets and passing notes. It was writing their name all over any piece of paper I could find. It was sitting beside each other at lunch and thinking we'd always have each other. It was being in second grade and saying "I'm gonna marry you." To me, then...it was love. 

It was finding my sister soul mate. It was shopping together and randomly laughing about nothing. It was making memories and taking pictures to remember those moments. It was "I need to talk to you" no matter what time of the night it was. It was doing each other's hair and nails and talking about boys. It was listening to music in the car and singing along. It was knowing we were each other's best friends and not even having to say it. It is being thousands of miles away from each other even now and checking in. It was, and is still, love. 

It was crying out to Him in moments of helplessness. It was me on my knees in my bedroom in the dark with tears streaming down my face asking, "Can You hear me?" It was wanting answers and asking questions. It was feeling completely peaceful in moments of chaos. It was saying "Jesus, come into my heart and into my life. Create in me a clean and new heart O God." It was raising my hands to the heavens saying, "I am Yours." It was finally feeling like I could let go and live in love. It was, and is, unending love. 

It was seeing tears and mourning for a lost life. It was remembering the good times and the laughter. It was seeing someone so broken at the loss of their other half. It was feeling broken at the loss of a loved one. It was wondering why they had to go. It was knowing that I would see them again. It was love.

It is a kiss on the forehead. A "welcome home, baby." It is random ice cream runs in the middle of the night. It is curling up on the couch together and watching a movie. It is a hug when I've had a bad dream. It is a sleepy smile on a late Sunday morning. It is a "hey baby, are you awake?" at 4am. It is "I can't live with you, but I can't live without you." It is being myself, flaws and all, and being completely accepted. It is waking up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and bringing him back a glass just in case. It is cooking his favorite meal as a surprise. It is chasing away the demons of the past. It is rejoicing in each other's company. It is unconditional. It is tough. It is the best thing I have ever experienced. It is having a best friend around you 24/7. --This is the love I am experiencing right now. 

This is not the only love I will experience in my life as new experiences will come with different seasons.

I believe that any age can experience love because there are different types. At age seven, if the boy I had a crush on picked me to chase around the playground, I thought he must really love me. Now, if my husband tries chasing me on a playground, I'll probably look at him like he's lost his mind. (Although secretly enjoying it the whole time.) There is no age limit on love. 

Especially when that is exactly what we were created for. 

8 Things I Admire About My Mother

Her Faith- I can remember even as a young child my mother always taking me to church on Sundays and quoting verses. I'd look up at her and see her mouth the words of a verse at the same time as the pastor, always in aw that she knew it so well. I did not have to hear her pray or recite verses to know that she loved God. I could and still can see it in the way she loves her family, the way she carries herself and the way she treats others. I can see the love of Christ in who she is.

Her Strength- Throughout my entire childhood life my mom was always the foundation of the household and always the mediator between my brothers and me. I've never known anyone that has been through the things my mother has, yet she loves fearlessly and without condition. My mother’s strength is something I can only hope to inherit from her. She knows how to overcome.

Her Modesty- I have never seen my mother wear anything that was not appropriate. No matter if she was going grocery shopping, to work or out to dinner with my dad at a nice restaurant, she always chose to keep her body a secret. She’s the most conservative woman I know.

Her Grace- Through her words and her eyes she can calm a raging sea. A talk with mom was all I needed to help me get through a breakup, losing a friend, or any difficult situation. She always knows exactly what to say and how to handle it. Her eyes are always colored with understanding and compassion no matter the conversation.

Her Laughter- Anyone who knows my mom knows that she laughs...a lot, but in the best way possible. Along with her smile, her laugh is contagious and keeps the mood light. Like my mother, I hope to leave a lasting impression on others with my laughter.

Her Determination- My mother is consistent in everything she does. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning or working, she does it to the best of her ability. I could come home from work one night and my room would be completely transformed from a landfill to the cover of a Good Housekeeping magazine. I've also never seen anyone type on a 10 key as fast as she does. She is the hardest working woman in my life.

Her Selflessness- No matter what I wanted on this aisle and that aisle at the store when I was a bratty kid, she’d let me get it if she thought I really wanted it. When the food she ordered looked much better than mine, she’d let me have a few bites without even batting an eye. When I told her of my future plans and what I wanted to do, with tears in her eyes she hugged me and let me start a whole new chapter of my life. I knew she wanted me there, to stay home, but because she was thinking of me and my dreams, she let me go.

She’s My Best Friend- Growing up I never realized just how close my mother and I would get, although now I know she’s the best friend I’ll ever. I’ve never laughed with someone so much, talked with someone so much and had so much in common with anyone before. My mom and I can talk for hours about everything and nothing at the same time and it’s still more fun than hanging out with friends. We can share clothes, makeup and hair products. I get along with my mother better than anyone in my life.

When I look at my mom I think of these verses:

"Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her..." Proverbs 31:25-28

I hope to be this kind of role model for my daughter, like my mother has been for me.

I love you, mom.

Why Serious Dating in High School is a Waste

Everyone has one and you wonder why you don't. She goes here and there with hers, and you're stuck in your living room chilling with your parents all weekend. 

Having a boyfriend was common when I was in high school and it's still common today. I wanted one. My friends wanted one. Some of my friends even had one. But why? Why did we feel the need to have a boyfriend? Looking back now it just seems so...stupid.

I wish I could go back in time and tell my ninth grade self that boys aren't worth the time at that age and to stay away from dating them. They will literally promise you the earth, the moon and the stars, and while they may have all the best intentions, it most likely won't work out. Why? Because you'll believe them. You'll believe everything they say, even if they say "I love you," on the 4th date because it's natural. It's natural to want companionship and to want to be loved but the problem comes when you realize they don't. The problem comes when you're sitting on your bed late at night, crying because he broke up with you, only after you decided to give your heart, your emotions and your love away. Let's be honest, for you, it was love. 

Let's look at the basics.     They probably don't have a car, and if they do they just got it. They still live at home (duh).They don't have enough money to take you out to Olive Garden (unless it's the boy who gets an allowance) much less purchase the entire galaxy (like they oh-so-heartedly promised). I don't know about you, but having his mommy drop you off at the movies together is too awkward to label "fun". 

Take a look around you. Whether you're in the cafeteria, in a classroom or in the hallway you'll see boys, but not the kind of boys you want. They goof off, tell jokes, act dorky and maybe even smell, but you know what? Why should they care? They have all the time in the world after high school to devote to someone they really care about. So do you.

You should be having fun with your friends. You don't have to worry about what you look like in the morning because the truth of the matter is, you'll never see those kids after you get your diploma. You don't have to cry countless tears because Steven likes Alyssa but Alyssa said she liked Tyler but Tyler likes you and you just want Steven. You don't have to waste precious kisses, embraces, time, or in the worst cases, your precious purity. 

When you get married, you're more than likely going to understand this more. When you look at your husband you're gonna wonder and want to know who's he's dated, when he dated them, how long he dated them for and what they did when they dated. But he's going to wonder the same thing about you. You're going to wish you hadn't dated that goofball in ninth grade or tenth, or whatever grade because all of those kisses, hugs, tears didn't mean a thing. They mean nothing compared to what they mean now, with your spouse. People will tell you all the time not to worry about what your spouse did before you blah blah blah, but it's human nature to want to know. It really is. Not always the best thing, but it happens. 

Serious dating in high school is a waste of time because people rarely ever marry the person they invested their time and emotions in. Kisses that are given cannot be taken back, no matter how hard you wish. And sadly, neither can innocence. 

Have fun. Be young. Save the serious stuff for later.    

A Relationship With God: My Choice

Most of the time when people find out I'm a Christian, they assume is must be because of the fact that I was raised in church. That even though I have my own brain and my own free will, I could not have possibly chosen to have a relationship with a God on my own that has changed my life.

Throughout my entire childhood I can remember going to Sunday school. I can remember singing songs about Jesus and while not really understanding the greatness and the magnitude of who He was, knowing He was special and He made me feel special. I can remember always drawing pictures about Jesus, saying how much I loved Him, almost like He was a close friend of mine. As I got older that faded. The drawings ended and the friendship was now more of an acquaintance. I knew He was there, but didn't necessarily pay Him any attention. I had "grown" out of Him and left Him on my closet shelf like he was an old stuffed animal that I had once needed beside me every night in order to peacefully get to sleep, now forgotten because I felt it was of no use. 

Yet every time I had a bad day and someone at school had said something about me, maybe even to me, that hurt my feelings, I'd pull that stuffed animal out of my closet, hold it and cry until I fell asleep, the only thing that could bring me comfort and the only thing I wanted to bring me comfort. No matter how long I had left Him in my closet on that shelf. He was there every time I needed Him. Every time I needed to cry, to vent, to forget the world, His arms were out-stretched, waiting, ready. 

Mid-junior year is when I realized I needed Him in every day life, not just when I had a problem that needed solving. He was my friend, someone I could share defeats and triumphs with. I needed Him when I went to school, and I needed Him when I went to work. I took Him off that shelf, and I've carried Him with me always ever since. 

I chose God. Though I was raised in church and brought up knowing who He was, I could have chosen to leave Him on that shelf permanently. I could have decided I didn't "need" something I felt I'd no longer had use for unless it was convenient for me. 

It was a choice. A choice that continues to bless my life each and every day. 

Why I Have No Interest in 50 Shades of Grey

"50 Shades of Grey" tells about a seemingly "good looking", wealthy man who shows interest in your everyday average girl and takes her into his world of handcuffs, whips and essentially pain. Sexy right? Ouch.

I do not title myself as a feminist, but I do believe the movie seems to be a bit demeaning to all females everywhere. I constantly see women protesting asking for "equal rights" trying to show that we, women, should be treated just like the males of the world. Yet, they endorse a movie based on a man completely dominating a woman that depicts her to be just another sexual object. 

Why would I want to watch another movie that demoralizes the meaning of sex and completely takes all sanctity of sex away? Why would I want to pay for and sit through another movie that distorts the role of a woman? Because we're all supposed to be a size 2 and practice erotic sex with the first rich guy we meet, right? Pass...

Based on what I've heard about the book, if in fact the movie was completely based on the book, it would be porn. Simple fact. But since it isn't so xxx, it's deemed okay. I've also seen women's reactions to who is playing the role of Christian Grey. Most said he wasn't "hot enough". Those same women would be mortified to learn that their husband was waiting for a movie to come out and on his first learning of the female lead said ,"She isn't hot enough." I myself would be pretty upset if it was my other half, especially on such a movie as this. Double standard?

There will likely be more worthy box office hits to spend your time and your money on.

This is a "love" story I won't be watching. 

The Importance of "I'm Sorry"

Almost every time my husband and I get into an argument, not even 30 minutes later one of us is apologizing and asking for forgiveness. He's looking me in the eye holding my chin with his fingertips or I have my arms wrapped around him. Either way, it's an easy resolution, and it has a certain humbleness to it that can stop a mini war in it's tracks. 

Sometimes I storm off, usually up to our bedroom and just sit on the bed. I've always done this, even as a little girl. My bedroom was always my safe haven. I could think and talk to God about how angry, upset, or hurt I was at a certain situation or person. Nothing has changed. Except now I was just laying there, staring at the ceiling swearing to God that I'm not saying, "I'm sorry" this time. Why should I? He can come up here and apologize if he wants to anyway. And in all my stubbornness, I wonder what he's doing downstairs. I wonder if he's thinking the same thing I am and I picture what it would be like if I went down there and said I was sorry. 

Nope..no way. I've already made up my mind. I have nothing to be sorry for. At least in my eyes. But then out of nowhere an image pops into my head and the very thing I need to be sorry for is playing over and over. 

I get off the bed, slowly open the door and make my way downstairs. As I walk towards him sitting at the dining room table, I wrap my arms around his shoulders, plant my nose in his hair, breathe in the familiar scent of Head and Shoulders shampoo and whisper, "I'm sorry baby."

"No..I'm sorry babe," he whispers back. And just like that, we're hugging and kissing and back to laughing. 

"I'm sorry" doesn't mean you've 'lost' the argument or that you're by any means weak. I mean, yeah, it's okay to stand up for yourself and put your foot down, but it's a very good thing to know when to put your weapon down.

Making Friends

I haven't made any friends here yet on the island. I know, I know, loser right? I've barely even met anyone! I guess I may be somewhat of an introvert, or maybe a homebody. Sometimes I wonder if it'll even be possible. I would at least like to have one friend before Taylor leaves. Otherwise, I might just go crazy. Us girls need someone to vent to practically 24/7 whether it's about a bad hair day or how much we hate the weather. We just always need someone there to talk to, to listen and to communicate with.

Honestly, I'm a little afraid. I'm sure I'm a lot younger than a lot of milsos and I don't have any kids. What could I possibly relate to anyone about? But I do know that we all have something in common, no matter the age, kids or no kids, we are all military wives and we experience some of the same things.

Whoever she is, I hope she is just as committed to her marriage as I and loves chick flicks, shopping and chocolate. :)

Dreams

A few years ago, my dreams were different than they are now. My dreams were all about myself, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to achieve. Even last year at this time, my dreams were selfish. All I could think of was who I was going to be and what I was going to make of myself. With promises and swears that I wouldn't be like everyone else. Just merrily passing through this life on a day to day schedule, I decided I'd make my life more meaningful. And I did.


My dreams aren't just about me anymore. "I" has become we and us. Now I dream of where we will go and what we will achieve together. I am now apart of a team. Husband and wife. The strongest team on earth.

Though my dreams may be different, I am still dreaming, wishing on shooting stars. I look back and see a little girl looking out her window wondering what kind of woman she would be. Thinking maybe she would save the world or at least save someone. She had to make a difference. I had to make a difference. And I have. I believe that maybe, just maybe, I was meant to make a difference in his life and in turn him make a difference in mine. What more could I ask for? All of my dreams have come true. But believe me, there are more dreams every day that I want to come true with Taylor. Dreams of becoming parents together, dreams of traveling together, dreams of growing old together, and dreams of dreaming together.  

Never stop dreaming.

Affairs of the Heart

Recently, my husband and I have been binge watching "Army Wives". The show is fantastic, but there is something that really kind of bothers me. The infidelity!!! It's insane. Here and there husbands and wives are having affairs, and people act like it's normal. Granted there are wives who don't, some of them will tell the person, "I really want to, but I just can't." What?!? To me, wanting to is just as bad as doing it. Matthew 5:28 says "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." So the BIBLE says even if you don't physically touch someone, when you think about doing it or even want to (as some of the spouses do in the show) then you've already done it. It's just as bad. Some of them blame it on deployments and stuff and though I have never experienced my husband deploying and being away for a while, I could never even think of doing that to us or to our marriage. Control people!

Taylor knows he has nothing to worry about and I also know the same. I made a commitment in front of God and family and I would never go back on that. Listen to this. 57% of men admit to infidelity in any relationship they've had while 54% percent of women admit the same. 22% of married men have strayed at least once in their marriage and the percentage is 14% for women. BUT! It also says that 74% of married men would commit infidelity if they knew they wouldn't get caught!! You want to know the percentage for women? 68%. Over half according to this study (http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/) would do it if they wouldn't have to deal with the consequences. Can you believe that? That's horrible! I've always seen marriage as this sacred, beautiful thing and people throw it away every day. I refuse to do the same.

If you have never read Song of Songs in the Bible, I encourage you to. It's one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Solomon and his bride are just in complete awe of each other. Solomon tells his bride, "I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariot. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels." Her words, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out." Gorgeous words right? I want a marriage like this. I want us to take delight in each other every day. There is no other for me than Taylor and there never will be. I encourage you to take delight in your marriage/relationship today. :)

Background

Last year, around this time I was preparing for high school graduation. Today I am married with two babies...and I mean fur-babies. Did you think I meant actual children? Oh no, though I do love kids...not yet. Yes, I'm 19 and yes, I am already married. Believe me, I've heard it all, "There is no way you're going to work out." "How do you know you love him?" "Do you really even know each other?" "You're too young!!" Well do you know what I say to that? Poo. I believe love can be experienced at any age and with two people willing to commit, it can excel far beyond our wildest dreams. I used to have a plan. That I would graduate high school, go to college, get some sort of degree and THEN settle down, get married and have a family. But life doesn't work that way, does it? Nevertheless, I'm happy it doesn't. My life would be completely different. You see, I met my husband on a social media site. We had gone to the same high school before I had moved to enroll elsewhere. I friended him, thinking I knew him from somewhere but I just couldn't place where. He accepted, messaged me and the rest is history. Lovely, dramatic, crazy, fun history. My parents were horrified. I wanted to get married, to a guy who lived 4,000 miles away. Which meant I would live 4,000 miles away. I can remember the arguments. Them asking why, me saying I just knew it was love and this was it. Looking back now, I'm a little surprised they didn't barricade me in my room and keep me from doing what I was determined to do. But they didn't. They knew I wasn't going to change my mind. My brothers, both military were a little shocked and concerned, my twin more than our older brother. But they were both there the day we wed in a JP's office. (I know, so original right?) Nothing fancy. Just the way we wanted it to be. A lot of friends and family weren't apart of the day. It wasn't anything personal, that's just how it played out. With whispers of people who had told me not to in my head, I went through with it anyway. I had to. I wanted to!! I loved Taylor. He was the one and I wasn't going to waste another second. Why would I? About a month later, I had quit my job as an office cashier at a local grocery store and I flew to Hawaii. My parents drove me to the DFW (Dallas-Fort Worth) airport and after tears and goodbyes I boarded a plane with an eight hour flight. No layovers. With my hair in a mess, my body sweaty from the plane ride and my face without a trace of makeup, I walked toward my future, his arms open wide and the brightest smile painted on his face. Far from home, I was home. 


So here I am now. We've been married exactly four months in two days. The most challenging, beautiful, and rewarding months of my life. Oh the experiences, but that is for another day and another post ;) Stick around!